Women Scratching My Head

View this video for insight on why I wrote this particular piece.

Audio provided for your listening to get an idea of how it flows while reading

After 40+ years since my birth I still don’t understand her. The mind of a woman, how on earth does it work? What makes it tick? Ladies, help me solve this conflict.

Question number one how do you spend all this time “shopping” and not spend a dime? Just go around looking and touching and got the nerve to think that was productive. More like destructive especially when you want us there with you to suffer.

Question number two might uncover a clue to previous question. What’s with buying stuff just because it’s on sale, wth……. Maybe this is why you bought nothing after hours of touching. No sales were going on so you were walking around flustered.

Question number three wtf do you wanna eat?! You said you were hungry but still refuse to pick a meat. Refuse to pick a drink, a side, or a dessert. But you wanna know what’s worse? “Oh I’m not hungry, I don’t want anything.” What you meant to say “I’m treating myself to whatever you’re gonna eat.” That’s a cheat and will overheat our calm state of peace. It’s cool though just know what comes around also goes………😈

Question number four our hoodies don’t need an escort. You don’t even wear our size so what are you kidnapping them for? Now they smell all fruity and we don’t want them anymore.

Question number five you know we can’t read minds. Yall couldn’t hide that disguise even if you tried. What’s the problem with saying “I’m upset and this is why?” You have no problem talking our ears off complaining about your boss. But still refuse to talk to us about your upsetting thoughts.

Question number six when are you folding the clothes miss? They’re still in the dryer from the day cavemen discovered fire. By the time you take them out they’re in the basket no less than 72 hours.

Question number seven why use your mouth as a weapon? Most times we want silence, peace and quiet. You can’t go wrong with that so do us a favor and supply it. Another thing….men really don’t like talking for hours on the phone. If we’re not talking about anything productive we don’t care to be on long.

Question number eight can we please have some bed space? Plenty of room on the bed but you push us to the edge. And stop taking all the cover
🥶😤😡🤬

Question number nine are you gonna apologize? Asking “what do you want to eat” does NOT qualify. But since you asked……run me that chicken fried.

Question number ten what do you have in your skin? Your showers are 5000 degrees hotter in water infused with lava🌋🌋🌋
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I bet the paychecks of my worst enemies no woman can answer all of these questions sensibly.